Tom Kurukuru?

CHARLIE HENSHIN!!

pkill -9 /bin/laden

Look, I'm willing to take the President at his word that Osama bin Laden is dead, but I think a lot of Americans find it odd that they haven't released his death certificate. Like, what are they hiding?

Public service announcement

I had a dream. And in that dream was a car. And in that car was a woman. And in that woman was a man. And in that man was an STD. Be safe: Don't nap after watching this commercial.

Modus operandi

Modus is when you take just the remainder of a division operandi.

First!

During sex, we play this game where we try to see who can make the other person orgasm first.

I'm a gentleman, so I always let her win.

Wars

Wars are the peeing contests of the rich, and we're the yellow snow.

On to the Senate

House Republicans have just voted to extend key provisions in Godwin's Law.

I Will Live On

First I was afraid.
I was petrified.
Kept thinking I would turn and see
a creeper by my side.
But then I spent so many nights
digging holes into the ground.
What I found:
Diamond ore was all around.

And now I'm back
outside my base.
I just walked out to find you there
with that sad look upon your face.
And I've got all my armor on,
and I've got all my loaves of bread,
and I'm about to get my diamond
sword lodged in your shrubby head.

Go on and hiss, and flash away.
This place is in need
of renovation anyway.
You'll go out with a bang and think my hearts will be gone.
You think I'd red out.
You think I'd have to respawn.

Oh no, you're wrong.
I will live on.
As long as I can cook some pork,
I will see another dawn.
I've got all this dust to rig,
I've got all this ore to dig,
and I'll live on.
I will live on.