The Newt Deal

<Gingrich> I'm a man who listens to the people. They say to get the money out of politics. Personally, I get as much money out of politics as I can.

Last version 2 years ago? The project must be dead.

How does Windows expect to compete with Linux if Windows doesn't even have an apt repository? How the hell am I supposed to install it? I see some torrents, but none of them appear to be official. Windows really isn't ready for prime time.

My Little Sister Can't Be This Old

Through a series of pervvy mishaps, a high schooler finds himself being cryogenically frozen wearing his little sister's undergarments. When he is finally thawed 60 years later, he is reunited with his sister, who is now 75 years old. How will he reconcile his lust for his little sister with her new - old - look? And what's more.. she has been saving herself for him??

I think that's how it goes

On my honor, I will do my best to do my duty to God and my country, and to obey the Scout Law, to help other people at all times, to keep myself physically fit, mentally awake, and Orly Taits.

1+1

<User> What's 1+1?
<Google> 2
<User> What's 1+1?
<Google> 2
<User> What's 1+1?
<Google> 1 +1 means one person has indicated that he or she likes the item.
<User> Dammit, Google.

Tom Kurukuru?

CHARLIE HENSHIN!!

pkill -9 /bin/laden

Look, I'm willing to take the President at his word that Osama bin Laden is dead, but I think a lot of Americans find it odd that they haven't released his death certificate. Like, what are they hiding?

Public service announcement

I had a dream. And in that dream was a car. And in that car was a woman. And in that woman was a man. And in that man was an STD. Be safe: Don't nap after watching this commercial.

Modus operandi

Modus is when you take just the remainder of a division operandi.

First!

During sex, we play this game where we try to see who can make the other person orgasm first.

I'm a gentleman, so I always let her win.

Wars

Wars are the peeing contests of the rich, and we're the yellow snow.

On to the Senate

House Republicans have just voted to extend key provisions in Godwin's Law.

I Will Live On

First I was afraid.
I was petrified.
Kept thinking I would turn and see
a creeper by my side.
But then I spent so many nights
digging holes into the ground.
What I found:
Diamond ore was all around.

And now I'm back
outside my base.
I just walked out to find you there
with that sad look upon your face.
And I've got all my armor on,
and I've got all my loaves of bread,
and I'm about to get my diamond
sword lodged in your shrubby head.

Go on and hiss, and flash away.
This place is in need
of renovation anyway.
You'll go out with a bang and think my hearts will be gone.
You think I'd red out.
You think I'd have to respawn.

Oh no, you're wrong.
I will live on.
As long as I can cook some pork,
I will see another dawn.
I've got all this dust to rig,
I've got all this ore to dig,
and I'll live on.
I will live on.

13 sets of 24

My doctor said I need to be more active, so I switched from manga to anime.

The choco cornet keeps spinning...

"How are we going to stop Konata Izumi from playing galgames?"

"We'll have to plant a seed deep into her subconscious."

"You're talking about inception!"

"Yes. First, we'll need to put her into a coma. Then, we'll enter her dream and put her dream self into a coma. We'll have to go three, maybe four levels deep."

"Four levels deep?! Isn't that-"

"Yes, a 4-coma."

I Love You More, Minecraft edition

I love you more than skeletons love spiders.
I love you more than spiders love riders.
I love you more than creepers emit megalux.

I love you more than reddit hates diggers.
I love you more than Notch hates Norwegians.
I love you more than chickens look like ducks.