Climate change awareness

The climate scientists went about their climate change awareness campaign all wrong. Instead of talking about greenhouse gases and stuff, they should have just said that pushing gas into the air pushes the Earth down closer to Hell, which causes the planet to heat up and have more evil stuff like homosexuality and abortions. The religious right would become the strongest supporters of emission control standards.

Transformation

Oh my, oh no, where did my penis go?
Oh gosh, oh dear, how could it disappear?
Oh wait, oh wow, what are these I have now?
Oh sweet, oh dude, BRB, getting nude.

Fake

The moon landing was fake. It never landed. I see it in the sky right now.

Sun block

In the future, we will have RGBA screens for windshields, and they will use a gyroscope, facial recognition, and light sensors to automatically darken or paint over the exact area of the sun on the windshield relative to the driver and/or front-seat passenger. And someone will be granted a patent on it, as if the invention is non-obvious.

Scandal

A child pornographer's career was destroyed today when it was revealed that he secretly holds a political office.