The early bird gets the hungry cat

When birds of a feather flock together, you can kill two birds with one stone.

Declaration of end-dependence

Hollywood holds this truth to be self-evident, that all movies are created for sequels.

Dragonfly

Is this some Opera Firebug thing?

Portal 2

It was entertaining.
But now that it's done,
it's time to go.
Time to dive into
some other project.
But we've got a cash cow.
Our management wants to
see it milked.
And all the fans are asking us
to serve a fresh second slice.
Though the expectations
make it hard to impress.
We've become a victim
of our stunning success.
But we'll take our aim,
and we'll make another game
for the people who are
still alive.

W3Schools certification

Why does this exist? Being certified by w3schools for web development is like being certified by Adobe for code efficiency. Congratulations, you are now qualified to work for MySpace.

Separation of church and science

Religion requires faith. Faith requires the absence of doubt. Science requires doubt. Therefore, science requires the absence of faith. Therefore, science requires the absence of religion.

Religion requires faith. Faith requires the absence of doubt. Science requires doubt. Therefore, faith requires the absence of science. Therefore, religion requires the absence of science.

But don't worry, I have faith that there's a logical fallacy in there somewhere.

Ego

I am, therefore I think I am important.

Newton's third law of motion pictures

To every action there is always opposed an equal and opposite "cut!"

Anatomy of love

You're always in my heart. Your heart is in my eyes. But anyone whose heart is not within their body dies. Whoa yeah, you're dead to me.

Limerick

There was a limerick I heard,
With stressed syllables quite awkward.
Rhythm was somewhat
Still present in it, but
It forced mispronouncing every word.

Super Tuesday

Today I did my patriotic duty and voted against the giant political tyrants. But then, I know that the patriots will probably lose to the giants.

Teamwork

Johnny

Okay guys, whenever you get the ball, just throw it at me.

Coach

Johnny, there's no "I" in "team".

Johnny

No, but there is "a-t m-e".

Things I have learned from having a little sister

• The only exception to pink is purple.
• A two-year-old is braver than a four-year-old.
• The eighth birthday marks the point when princesses finally go out of fashion.
• "Can I have ice cream/a cookie/some candy?" actually means "Can I turn into a rotten little monster in exactly fifteen minutes?"
• A kid makes up for her short attention span with undying commitments to particular media.
• Before a time out, the kid thinks you're a tyrant. After a time out, she knows it.
• The typical weekend activity for an 8-year-old is a teleconference with her peers about penguin-themed web services and the purchasing of virtual goods for said penguins.