Chihiro

whatapath should go work for the copyright cops. That way he'd get paid for being a dick.

Toradora

Rie Kugimiya steps out of her comfort zone and plays a small-chested slave-driving tsundere with long hair, a tendency to call people baka inus, and a personality that isolates her from her classmates. This differs from her previous roles in that this character's chest isn't quite as flat.

Update: Upon careful analysis of the series, I retract my previous statement: Her chest is as flat.

The Melancholy of Lavos

Nagato said, "The potential for magic." According to Asahina-san, he caused the "time gates". Koizumi treated him as "God." Then what about me? What does the creature Lavos mean to me?

Trikosioihexekontanonaphobia

I'm afraid of the number 369. The number represents two hot girls having oral sex with each other while I'm forced to face away in the fetal position.

Sponsorship

Why is it cheaper to sponsor one child in a third-world country than a third of a child in a first-world country?

Anonymity

There is no anonymity, only obfuscation.

What's the difference between Democrats and Republicans?

Democrats have affairs with adults.

Bed courtesy

I'm a gentleman. I always finish third.

Kodomo no U.S. distribution

Cake, zest, and delicious flat chest. These were the ingredients chosen to create the perfect little girls. But Professor Suganuma accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction: Chemical Sex! Thus Kodomo no Jikan was banned!

A word speaks a thousand pictures

kids spelled backwards is stick

Bread pirate

Jesus is a bread pirate. He is guilty of bread copyright infringement. Very bad for the Bread Industry Association of Nazareth. We must make an example of him.

End of Evangelion

Rei lends a hand, and Asuka splits.

Halloween

"You look like you're dressed normal. What are you supposed to be?"

"Paris Hilton."

"I don't get it."

"It's not what I'm wearing that's important, it's what I'm not."

"o.O"

If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow, why oh why can't I?

The rainbow theory of relativity states that the position of a rainbow is relative to the reference point of the observer.

Nano-review of Super Smash Bros. Brawl

I wasted $80 on classic controllers when I could have just used Gamecube controllers? Wow, all this stuff and I haven't even unlocked anything yet. My feet feel sticky... OMG KILL THE SMASH BALL OMG CRAP HE GOT IT!!! *These* are the levels they chose to bring back? Pit vs. Meta Knight is awesome. Lame fanfic. Dammit Snake, stop shooting the ground. ZERO SUIT! Squirt gun? It seems water Pokemon aren't worth evolving. Marth ain't got nothing on Ike. Dragon armor = sniper gun. Oh, so the character selection timer I see only applies to my selection. Yoshi, still useless. This review is dedicated to the memory of Peach's double jump.

Political tides

Anarchy leads to dictatorships. Dictatorships lead to systematic killings. Systematic killings lead to stability. Stability leads to milestone releases. Milestone releases lead to downloads. Downloads lead to out-of-work musical artists. Out-of-work musical artists lead to hippie culture. Hippie culture leads to anarchy.

The early bird gets the hungry cat

When birds of a feather flock together, you can kill two birds with one stone.

Declaration of end-dependence

Hollywood holds this truth to be self-evident, that all movies are created for sequels.

Dragonfly

Is this some Opera Firebug thing?

Portal 2

It was entertaining.
But now that it's done,
it's time to go.
Time to dive into
some other project.
But we've got a cash cow.
Our management wants to
see it milked.
And all the fans are asking us
to serve a fresh second slice.
Though the expectations
make it hard to impress.
We've become a victim
of our stunning success.
But we'll take our aim,
and we'll make another game
for the people who are
still alive.

W3Schools certification

Why does this exist? Being certified by w3schools for web development is like being certified by Adobe for code efficiency. Congratulations, you are now qualified to work for MySpace.

Separation of church and science

Religion requires faith. Faith requires the absence of doubt. Science requires doubt. Therefore, science requires the absence of faith. Therefore, science requires the absence of religion.

Religion requires faith. Faith requires the absence of doubt. Science requires doubt. Therefore, faith requires the absence of science. Therefore, religion requires the absence of science.

But don't worry, I have faith that there's a logical fallacy in there somewhere.

Ego

I am, therefore I think I am important.

Newton's third law of motion pictures

To every action there is always opposed an equal and opposite "cut!"

Anatomy of love

You're always in my heart. Your heart is in my eyes. But anyone whose heart is not within their body dies. Whoa yeah, you're dead to me.

Limerick

There was a limerick I heard,
With stressed syllables quite awkward.
Rhythm was somewhat
Still present in it, but
It forced mispronouncing every word.

Super Tuesday

Today I did my patriotic duty and voted against the giant political tyrants. But then, I know that the patriots will probably lose to the giants.

Teamwork

Johnny

Okay guys, whenever you get the ball, just throw it at me.

Coach

Johnny, there's no "I" in "team".

Johnny

No, but there is "a-t m-e".

Things I have learned from having a little sister

• The only exception to pink is purple.
• A two-year-old is braver than a four-year-old.
• The eighth birthday marks the point when princesses finally go out of fashion.
• "Can I have ice cream/a cookie/some candy?" actually means "Can I turn into a rotten little monster in exactly fifteen minutes?"
• A kid makes up for her short attention span with undying commitments to particular media.
• Before a time out, the kid thinks you're a tyrant. After a time out, she knows it.
• The typical weekend activity for an 8-year-old is a teleconference with her peers about penguin-themed web services and the purchasing of virtual goods for said penguins.

Microsoft philosophies

Limitation is the highest form of flattery.

Anime synopses, in rhyme

Inukami

An angry streaker beaming down a striptease from the men, and nothing but a dog and perv can save the world again.

Midori Days

A scary guy known as the greatest brawler in the land starts to show romantic interest in his own right hand.

Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya

Aliens and espers and a futuristic ditz all conspire to keep a god from throwing hissy fits.

Kodomo no Jikan

A little girl presents her teacher with her *********, and [We now present you with a brown stuffed teddy bear.]

Please Twins!

It could be we're related, but it could be that we're not. I hope we're not related, 'cause I think you're really hot.

Hand Maid May

A friend's computer virus rips a massive hole in time. A tiny robot maid appears to clean his dirt and grime.

Club-to-Death Angel Dokuro-chan

An angel from the future comes to help protect some guy by bashing out his brains when he so much as blinks an eye.

Agent Aika

Panties panties incest panties boobies panties guns, panties panties boobies panties lesbos panties buns.

Polls

A recent poll has shown that 100% of Canadians have been polled at some point in their lives. Among Americans, it was 98%.

Swab the deck

It's not the size of the boat, it's the dependability of the seamen.