Party joke

Joe walks into a room where there's a party in full swing. They're serving various finger foods, and there's a big bowl of punch with dozens of people lined up to get some. Every time someone gets a cup of punch and takes a drink, that person immediately spits it out and throws it into the trash. Joe asks someone in line, “What is this?” The guy responds, “It's a bad punch line.”

Congress sucks

Congress sucks. All the nooks and crannies are filled with crooks and nannies.

If you insist

This nation was founded under the principles of deism. We should ban people who believe in a personal god.

Legend

According to legend, states that abolished slavery before the Civil War are colored blue. Also, 1 inch = 200 miles.

Free phone sex

You can get free phone sex if you pick up the phone and press "*69". Just remember to start talking dirty as soon as the phone sex operator picks up.

Chicken anime dream

I just had a really weird and vivid dream. The dream was like a cute and sad anime documentary about chickens.

According to that reality, baby chickens have this auto-detection mechanism to tell when there's some genetic problem with them, and the chicks with problems all gather into one little corner. The old crusty grandpa rooster dude then comes and kills those chicks.

So then the anime part comes. It starts at a first-year junior high class in a town full of blonde kids. But there's this one black-haired girl -- a cute tsundere who dresses in black punk clothes and never really acts like part of the rest of the class. But she has a crush on this guy in high school.

The guy learns that she has a crush on him and also that she has never been accepted by her peers, so he develops a sort of sympathy toward her. For a few weeks, they meet and talk, and the guy tries to help her through some of her problems. He learns that her biggest problem is her grandpa who just hates her. So one night, the guy tells her he's going to visit her house the next day to meet with the grandpa.

She goes home alone that night, and the grandpa is at home waiting for her. He asks why she was out so late, and she puts on this "none of your business" attitude. The grandpa then strikes her to the ground and proceeds to beat her to death.

The guy comes to the house the next morning, and is greeted by a smiling blonde-haired family. He asks where the girl is. The father explains that they have never had such a girl living there.

When a program errs, blame its programmer

<God> It's not a bug, it's a feature.

Don't Want To Be

I don't want to be anything other than
American Idol's been lately.
That's the reason why I sing this song like everyone else.
I think I'm so original
When I repeat this song about
How original I think I am.
I don't want to be anything other than them.