Call for a cardiopulmonary recess

"Mister Heart, this is the police. You're under cardiac arrest!"

"*Pant pant* I'm beat."

"You've been charged with two accounts of defibrillation. How do you bleed?"

"Huh? I'm not in court yet."

"Dammit, you ruined it!" (Walks away)

Stand-up folklore

Ever hear of the comic who cried "but seriously"?

Diversity of logic

Hy isn't a choice; it's something you're born with.

That's why we have a hygene.

Unsuccessful cover-ups

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows has been leaked onto BitTorrent, and no amount of scary e-mails from Scholastic to blog owners can rewrite that history. Welcome to the Internet.

Points of view

Looking at girls through the bathroom window is a crime.

Looking at your reflection in the bathroom window is not.

If angels had beaks

Birds of a feather are mostly naked.

Losr

My startup Web 2.0 company dives into an innovative new social networking paradigm in which users define the content model, leveraging wisdom of crowds. It's basically an empty MediaWiki install with AdSense. Acquisition bidding will begin at $60 million.

Book pirates

The Book Publishing Association of America (BPAA) is finally going after book pirating groups. Known in pirating circles as "libraries", these institutions specialize in distributing copyrighted materials to large numbers of pirates who read the books without paying for them. "These libraries are running rampant," said the director of the BPAA. "It's time we went after these networks of thieves and help protect the profits of our authors."